Barenaked Crockpot

"I like it when they throw fish at me. I feel like I'm on The Real World."

"The problem is that there is so much X-rated content in the movie. We were trying to get it lowered down to a restricted content, but there is too much man-lovin' going on." (on Barenaked in America and why it wasn't opened in St. Louis

"Can we hold them up to the mike so everybody can see them?" (after getting gifts from Planet Hollywood during a radio interview)

"We're in a band called the Barenaked Ladies. You may remember us from when you used to beat us up in high school."

"You look like you've been digitally edited into the footage!" (commenting on early Jim footage on Before They Were Rock Stars)

"Kevin, you're such a prima donna when it comes to being able to hear your own instrument."

"Not every rock-n-roll show gives you two big guys kissing."

"Steve, you just took classic country music and URINATED on it!!!"

"I feel sorry for you! I'm going to make your job pure hell right now!" (to a sign language interpreter during One Week)

"Don't say you never learned anything at a Barenaked Ladies concert." (after informing the fans in Atlanta that the horse is the land mammal with the largest eye)

"Surgeon General's Warning: If you're allergic to nuts, stay outta my pants."

"Oh those Americans. Those loud, saturated fat-consuming, three out of ten could not point out the U.S. on an unmarked globe, cowboy hat-wearing, big car-driving folks to our south."

"There's a sign at the entrance that says 'If you or anyone in your party has had diarrhea in the last two weeks, you may not enter the pool.' Folks, I can't remember a time in the last 10 years that I didn't have diarrhea within the last two weeks! How do they enforce that, anyway? Do they have diarrhea police?" (commenting on a waterpark)

"Don't make fun of Bono's blindness!" (to Steve who was wearing sunglasses a la Bono)

"I found the best sort of solution to that was to stop singing and wet your pants. You'd be surprised how many situations that'll get you out of. I may do that now."

"Nobody understood sarcasm till they came up with that little winking guy."

"Women with heart problems or who are pregnant should not ride Steven Page after the show"

"I'm not a very good human ... but I'm a very sexy Hobbit!"

"Just tell 'em Eddie sent ya, and they'll say: 'Huh?'"

"We're fortunate that most Americans speak Canadian."

"It is nice to be with you all in the city of the wind. In an airport play scrabble once I played 'rind' (rhymes with kind) and Jim walked up and said 'who played rind (rhymes with pinned)" (NYE 2001 Auld Lang Syne)

"'One Week' changed my life because I used to be the Million Dollars Guy, and now I'm the Chickity China Guy."

"Like sandwhiches with fluff, that was Tyler's best stuff." (sung to Some Fantastic)

"This is the real millennium -- For those who knew you weren't one when you were zero"

"We've been matching - going with the boy-band thing...We're the over-30 boy band. That makes us a 'man band.'" (Teen People)

Ed, at the Dec. 6th show in Detroit, after gaining the knowledge from Steve that the edible undies Jeska threw on stage tasted like tobacco: "Nothin' says romance like a nice chunck o' tobacci!"

"Whe we all perish in a tragic dog sledding accident." (when asked when things will 'wind down')

"I think it's apparent from our dancing that we've had no training."

"It's like a cross between the best full body massage you've ever had and a root canal." (on writing songs with Steve)

"Now THIS is Rock N Roll - an absolutely GIANT iced tea! I'm gonna get hammered on this, go back to the hotel and wet the bed" (Marooned In Europe special)

"Me and Steve go together like Bacon and Eggs."

"I just got crabs from that guy" (after a fan threw a stuffed animal crab on stage)

"Isn't this song really fucking groovy?"

"Fucking hell, it's cold here! And I'm Canadian!"

Chart Magazine: "Favorite big-ass summer tour (besides H.O.R.D.E.)?"
Ed: "Big-Assapalooza"

"Hi, Mom, it's Ed! Do you know the words to If I Had a Million Dollars?" (he took a cell phone from a girl in the front row of the Cincinnati concert 8/31/99)

"I like sporks. They're like spoons, but you can poke people with them."

(outside of the White House): "This is not a boring side, though. If you get naked and shake on these bars, they'll take you away."

Chart Magazine: "If you were a hostess of the View, which one would you be?"
Ed: "The large black woman...she's sassy!"

"We have some good news and some bad news folks. We're shooting a movie. The bad news is, of course, and I apologize, at some points in the night some of your views are going to be blocked. So I apologize for that. The good news--the movie that we're shooting is hard core porn!" (BiA)

"I have been a very very bad boy. I have been swearing too much. Kids, just so you know, you should never say the word 'Fuck.'" (August 22nd, 2001, Marcus Amphitheater, Milwaukee, WI)

"Steve's the kind of guy who goes into the butcher and asks the guy, 'Was this cow spanked before it was killed?'" - (on Steve when he mentioned that he likes veal)

"Much like girls... We just want to have fun."