Barenaked Crockpot

"And had just gotten off the phone with Tyler and realized I didnt have any of their albums."

"I'd like the vegetarian sub. And can I get some bacon on that?"

"Oh I have made one simple wish for this coming year. That everone could live in peace, and no one live in fear." (NYE 2001 Auld Lang Syne)

"To stop dipping my penis in the chip dip." (when asked what his New Year's resolution was)

(after talking about his Lukemia experience): "But enough about cancer; let's check out the gift shops!"

"Andrew's sick today." (after being called Andrew Creeggan)

"They phoned and said we're thinking of asking Chris. What do you think of that? And I said 'That's swell.' That's what I said. And then Chris actually called and said, 'Kev, what do you think?' And I said, 'Brown, you're dead at recess.'" (BiA)

"It's really good to be with you here saying bye to 99. How wonderful and friggin' beautiful it is to be alive." (his verse of Auld Lang Syne, NYE 1999/2000)

"One day I'll loose my virginity, that's what I'm working on."

"I was always the quietest one in the family and I ended up in a rock band, go figure."

"When I was asked to write about what it has been like playing with the Barenaked Ladies, I couldn't decide whether to make it sound really nice or to tell the ugly truth. You see, things have not turned out the way I thought they would. I thought that the band were a bunch of really nice guys; I was so wrong."

"You'll find it in CD stores in the unreasonable section filed under Kevin Hearn." (on his first solo release, Mothball Mint)

"'The bad news is, you have leukemia. The good news is, your asthma's gone!'" [concering his diagnosis on "Live at the Lounge" (the first people he went to told him he had asthma)]